my girlfriend is mad at me

this is mostly because of money and our handling of it

but there are other reasons, too

it makes me sad and i don't know how to respond for the most part

my most immediate response is "i want to die"

because i can't handle being the object of anger

and because i hurt someone and i disappointed them

and made them, too,

want to die, in small amounts,

yes, but no less familiar, no less like a fourth wall gone inexplicably

missing.